Relationships are not easy.
We all know that. But sometimes, hollllly sh*t things, get tough. Am I Right?
It seems like out of nowhere, sh*t hits the fan, or maybe you feel it coming, and you just don’t know when it’s going to hit.
The most dangerous place to find yourself is when things are not bad, but they are also not great. Like something feels off, but you just can’t put your finger on it. Maybe, you are stuck in a rut and just don’t know how to get out. Maybe, there are bigger underlying issues. Careful, because once resentment sets in, it’s hard to get out. Like quicksand, you know.
So what should you do?
Building a successful marriage, relationship, union etc. is a choice. So first step would be CHOOSING to make things better or choosing to keep them great. Relationships require work, effort and energy. In order to have a great life with someone, you have to put in the work. Both of you, of course. It's never going to be 50/50 in everything. That's why it's so important to remember why you chose that someone in the first place. It helps to get through the tough times. Sometimes, one partner will have to put in more work, effort, time, energy, resources etc. Sometimes, it will seem like things are 80/20 in your favour, and sometimes they will be reversed. As long as the balance is achieved over time, you should be okay.
I read somewhere that an average married couple talks 27 minutes a week. So second step would be *drum roll* COMMUNICATION. No one is a mind reader, and your partner, isn’t one. Shocking, I know.
You have to have the guts to communicate to the other human what you want in a clear and concise way, yet with tact and humility. Without judgement, placing blame, or accusations. It’s your responsibility to make yourself happy, and nobody else is responsible for it. Your partner can only assist and help with the process. So if you need help, ASK for it.
And vice versa, ladies & gents, if your partner is trying to communicate, and ask for help, don’t be an a$$. LISTEN, and try to UNDERSTAND. It’s difficult to be vulnerable. So if your partner mastered some strength, don’t be defensive, don’t come up with excuses - they are unnecessary. Who gives a sh*t why things happened. It’s so much easier to create excuses than to create actions.
Thirdly, learn to APOLOGIZE. There are 3 parts to a great apology. Admit that you were wrong. Relay that you understand how you were wrong and that what you did was wrong. Showcase safeguards that will be in place going forward to avoid similar situations.
Tip four is all about HOW we can make things better going forward. Focus on SOLUTIONS together, without pointing fingers at each other and assigning blame. Successful relationships approach problems as a unit and solve them as such.
Tip five is all about growth. Growing as a couple is paramount for a successful relationship. Evolving as individuals is also equally important. Have separate interests, hobbies and also schedule activities with each other. Learn new skills, share your findings with your partner and enrich your relationship with something new. Create experiences together that bond you, but also have your own time so you don't lose your identity as an individual.
Relationships are not easy and they never will be. Great marriages are built on a solid foundation of work and progress. As long as you are ready to put in time and effort, and ready to commit to listening, learning and understanding, you should be able to build something extraordinary.