If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

Since each of us is responsible for our own happiness, it is only appropriate that we act accordingly, and that means asking for what we want.

No one owes you anything, so the ask can't come from a place of entitlement, lack, fear, greed, or arrogance. That ask should come from a place of sincerity, humbleness, hard work and self-worth.

The Asking Formula is pretty simple:

Clear communication + High Involvement + Low Attachment

Clear Communication a.k.a. "Say what you Mean, and Mean what you Say" principle means being able to explain to someone what you are trying to achieve in simple terms and in a few sentences. Without hesitation or arrogance, and without getting defensive or apologetic.

High involvement is your ability to show that you are serious about your ask and willing to put in the work to get what you want. Without wavering, without excuses or complaints. You are ready to take on that challenge and the only thing you need is the opportunity to show your work ethic. 

Low attachment means knowing your worth well enough to not take rejection personally. It's about not allowing someone's inability to recognize your strengths to destroy your self-esteem and ruin your confidence. You don't always get what you want, that's just how life works sometimes. Maybe it's just not the right time. Maybe you just need to work a bit harder. Frame every 'No' as an opportunity for improvement and growth, and your life will be transformed.

To prepare for the ask, the first step would be getting clear on what you want to achieve in every aspect of your life and what steps you need to take. Once you are clear on your What, then you will be able to figure out the How, or at least the steps you need to take for that How. 

The second step would be self-awareness. Start with a deep assessment of what tools you have and what tools you still need to acquire.

After that, you can create a plan for how to best use the qualities you already have. Then you can create a plan to acquire the skills you don't yet possess that you need to achieve your goals. Doing the inventory of your skills and qualities will help you build or enhance your confidence.

You might be ready for that next step, that promotion, that relationship, that whatever it is you've been waiting for. You just never thought you had what it takes.

If you are certain of your qualities, persistence is key in achieving your goals. Set your mind for success, make your message clear and your request known.

The third step is all about how you ask. Now, that you are clear about what you want and what you deserve, prepare your points and ask for it. Respectfully, confidently and with the right intent. At first, you might experience resistance or a genuine surprise, so you have to prepare your "why".

Prepare to be questioned, maybe even doubted. That's alright. It is a normal part of the process. People are not mind-readers, they don't know what you are thinking about or what you are trying to achieve. Often questioning comes from a genuine place of curiosity.

Sometimes people question you as a test to see if you really want something as badly as you claim and whether you are ready to fight or work for it. 

You might not be 100% ready for the opportunity at hand, but no one ever is. It's your job to articulate your value and ask for a chance to prove that you can handle the next step. If you ask the right way, you will get that opportunity and then your success will depend on how motivated you are to prove that you are worth it. 

If you don’t ask, the answer is already a 'No'. 

If you are clear, concise, honest, logical and humble with your ask, it's rarely a straight 'No'. Most often it is 'Yes', and if not, you'll at least walk away with a few action items, that, once done, will help you get that 'Yes'.

The key is stop living inside your own head and expecting people to guess what you want and what you deserve.

The secret to being truly happy is communicating what you want. That goes for everything in your life - from your relationships of all kinds to your career and hobbies. Many people live in fear of rejection. It is easier to stay silent and inside your comfort zone than to face the fact that getting rejected is not that bad.

It's just a part of life. And it's really just a numbers game - the more times you put yourself out there, the more successes you will have. No one owes you anything, and it is your job to figure out what you want, what you are worth, get out there and ask for what you deserve.